Pondering purpose and joy

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my purpose in life. It started when Husband confided in me that his main purpose in life is to look after me and our little dog, Jackie Blue - which maybe isn't surprising, given how cute Jackie is and how much time and effort it takes to keep her healthy and happy.

Of course, caring for loved ones is a big part of my purpose too, but I tend to think of my purpose as having other elements as well - elements connected to community engagement, political activism, and creative expression, for example.

Watching the Inauguration the other day, I found myself in complete awe of Joe Biden's willingness to assume the Presidency of the United States at such a difficult time. It seems to me his willingness isn't a function of ambition or ego, as is too often the case with politicians. Rather, he appears driven by an immense sense of purpose and commitment to service, deeply rooted in his Catholic faith. How else to explain a man of his age stepping away from what could be a very comfortable retirement to confront the challenges created by decades of poor economic, social and political leadership - not to mention four years of Trump? I may not agree with everything Biden does in the next four years, but he has my sincere admiration and gratitude for his willingness to take on such an enormous task. The same goes for Kamala Harris.

I don't imagine for a minute my purpose in life is anything nearly as important and meaningful as Joe's or Kamala's, but I hope it's something more significant than simply filling my days with useless distractions, as seems to be the case for some retirees.

Which isn't to say enjoying life isn't both important and necessary. We all need joy in our lives to heal our wounded hearts, inspire our dreams and energize our spirits. As my friend Mary Dixon put it in a recent Facebook post:

It’s okay to be joyful.

Because joy will give you energy.

Because joy will give you the desire to contribute to the world in some way.

Because joy will ripple out through your family and friends and give them support and encouragement when they need it, and they will ripple it out to others who need it.

Because joy will uplift and help people to be in a more hopeful state of mind to help those who are suffering.

Because joy will help heal your ancestral lineage and make a healthier future for generations to come.

Because joy will help you to be more curious and creative and explore different opportunities and ideas more fearlessly.

Because joy will create a better emotional state of being from which to lead others in any important work that needs doing.

As I work towards articulating my purpose in retirement, I think perhaps I need to start by asking what brings me joy? What activities, relationships, and teachings have the best chance of propelling me closer to realizing my life's purpose - or, at least, to being the person I want to be - someone more compassionate, capable, and committed to making the world a better place for herself and others. 

Yes, joy seems a good place to start. 

Here's a link to a video project that gave me joy this week - both because the subject was a happy one, and because I learned so much putting it together. If you take a few minutes to watch it, I hope it brings you a little joy as well.

Mondays writings: Learning to say no

One of the things I was determined to do when I retired was set aside quality for writing and other creative pursuits so, soon after I left work, I firmly announced that I was blocking Mondays for writing. So much for good intentions. As it turned out, I only managed to carve out time for writing on two or three Mondays at most over the past year.

This past weekend, there was a writing workshop I was interested in attending but opted not to go because I've written so little lately. What was the point, I thought?

The point was and is that I still want to write. Or, at least, I think I do. So yesterday I recommitted to "Monday writings".

Now here it is Monday morning, and I've managed to get myself to sit down in front of the computer, with hot coffee and Irish jigs to inspire. It doesn't feel comfortable, but that's hardly surprising, given how little I've done this lately.

The next question is what do I want to write about? There's been lots on my mind lately - the climate crisis, the ongoing mistreatment of indigenous peoples in Canada and elsewhere, the difficulty of building and maintaining strong, healthy communities when so much in our culture fosters selfishness and narcissism, the challenges of aging...

But the thing I want most to write about today is the thing I'm struggling most with these days, which is learning to say "no". No to roles, responsibilities and commitments that don't interest me. No to spending time with people who consistently drain my energy. No to useless distractions on social media and elsewhere. No to being silent because the things I want and need to say make some people uncomfortable. No to living my life the way others expect me to.

I hear other women my age talk about how much freer they feel to be themselves - to say what they think, follow their dreams, etc. That hasn't been my experience.  Certainly, I'm more forthright about my political views now that I'm retired, but saying no to expectation, disappointing people who request my help, angering people I care about, and minimizing interaction with social media are still real challenges most days.

On the one hand, I think, so what? I'm retired after all. Why not just go with the flow? To some extent, I needed to do just that for the first year or so of retirement, while I recovered from working all those years and contemplated what I wanted to with the next phase of my life. Thirteen months in, it feels like time to make choices, which means screwing up the courage to say no much more often than I have been to create space for the things that matter most.