Time shifting

One of the first things that shifts when you retire is your sense of time. Weekends no longer mean very much, schedules are more flexible, appointments mostly contingent. If the weather, your mood, or your priorities change, so do your plans for the day.

Today was a good example of that. We'd intended to head for Cape Breton to visit with old friends first thing this morning but awoke to several inches of snow on the ground and decided to postpone until tomorrow once we realized how slippery the roads were. It was a good call. It's been snowing all day, and driving 4.5 hours on snowy roads would have been no fun at all - even with good winter tires.

Three weeks into this new phase of my life, I still it hard to "go with the flow'. My inclination is to make plans and stick with them, even when they no longer make sense. I need to get over that. Being free to be flexible is one of the best things about retirement.

Repurposing lists

I've always loved lists. They help me organize my thoughts, keep me focused, and give me a sense of accomplishment. But they can be overwhelming too - when they're too long, or when the items on them remain undone.

Since beginning my repurposed life, I've made a concerted effort to keep my daily "to do" lists modest, and commit to tackling only one significant item over and above my day-to-day chores. But somehow I'm still not managing to do everything I plan to.

I'm not entirely sure why. Partly, I think it's because I'm so distracted by my husband and dog. But it may also be because some part of me resents the lists - or, rather, resents feeling I have to justify my existence (to myself? to others?) by accomplishing something every day.

An old friend reminded me last week that it's really okay to "just be" sometimes - to sit and watch the sunset, or hang out by the fireplace with the dog snoozing in my lap, or nap when the mood strikes.  She's right of course. There's no point making lists if I never stop to savour the here and now.

So, here's the plan:  I'm going to set aside some "do as I please" time every day - an hour or two when I give myself permission to do whatever feels right and refrain from criticizing myself for "wasting" time. If I use the hours "productively", great. If not, that's fine too. The point is to create a little more space to simply breathe and let my thoughts (when I have any) wander in whatever direction they choose. My hope is the exercise will help me rediscover what really interests me, so that I can begin repurposing my lists to include more of the things I genuinely care about, and fewer of the things I do only because I feel I should.

A New Chapter, A New Blog

I recently retired - and by "recently", I mean a week ago - so retirement is still pretty new to me, and I'm not entirely sure what to make of it.

I decided shortly before I finished my job that I'd prefer to refer to my new status as "repurposed"  because what I have in mind for my future doesn't seem to align with most people's idead of retirement. For instance, I don't intend to stop working - just (mostly) stop being paid for work - and I won't be traveling much for the next while. 

A few of my friends and family have asked me whether I feel like I'm on vacation. I don't really. I'm too darn busy doing chores left undone over the past few months. What I do feel is a tremendous sense of spaciousness - of finally being free to tackle tasks that require more time and attention than I've had to devote to them.

So far, what I'm enjoying most is being able to spend more time with my husband and dog. Getting up early because I want to and not because I have to is pretty terrific too. And I look forward to  becoming more engaged in my community over the next year.

But first things first. My job took a lot out of me in the past couple of years, so I need to spend a little time recovering physically and emotionally before I take on a lot of new responsibilities. Given that, I don't plan to make any long-term volunteer or work commitments for at least six months. I care deeply about lots of issues - including climate change, social justice, and electoral reform - but am not yet sure how I want to contribute to addressing them. In any case, I'm determined to set aside plenty of time for family and friends, gardening, exercise, and creative activities. The tricky bit will be finding the right balance.

Given all that, I've decided to keep my short-term goals simple. I'll try to spend a few hours each day seeing to chores and exercising, and the rest of my time hanging out with people I care about, doing various creative activities, reading, and "following my nose" to see where it takes me.

My hope is that this blog will help me reflect on what I'm learning along the way so that over time I will begin to focus more of my energy and attention on the things that matter most. Stayed tuned.